A bit of “turkey day” humor

SAY WHAT…
A lady was surveying and picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but just couldn’t find one large enough for her family. Frustrated, she finally asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

BURNED THE TURKEY, no problem — look on the bright side…
• No one ate like a glutton.
• Salmonella wasn’t a concern
• Everyone probably thought it was Cajun Blackened.
• Those uninvited guests will think twice next year.
• Your cheese-broccoli-limabean casserole gained newly found appreciation.
• The pets weren’t pestering you for scraps.
• The smoke alarm got its annual test.
• Carving the bird provided a great cardiovascular workout.
• After dinner, the guys got to take the bird to the yard and play football.
• Uncle Bob didn’t overeat and walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
• You got to the desserts quicker.
• You don’t have to face weeks of drier and drier turkey sandwiches.

POLLY WANT A SWEATER…
Recently I received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary. Nothing worked!

Finally fed up, I yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. In desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly — there was total quiet.

Fearing that I’d hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arm and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language. I’m sincerely sorry, and I intend to do everything I can to correct my unforgivable behavior.”

I was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic shift in his behavior, he continued in a somber tone. . . “May I ask what the turkey did?”

 

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